Seriously, Footballers

Right firstly i want to apologise for not writing anything for ages, but i really couldn't be bothered! This is here only because i decided i was bored with writing an English essay, and wanted something else to do. So being a teenage boy, my thoughts soon drifted to Cheryl Cole, or Cheryl Tweedy, as she will soon be known, Oh Ashley, you really are a complete and utter noobe! seriously you know when you are completely and utterly insane, when you have a wife as completely and utterly unbelieveable as Cheryl Cole, then you go and have an affair with someone else! Three words to completely and utterly tantalise a premiership footballer are "French, (bear with me) Underwear, (see) Model". Well Cheryl if you are reading this (which i really hope you are), give us a call, leave a comment and i will get back to you.

Shopping with Women

Right, just had a rather feminine day, going into town with my totally beautiful girlfriend, Sam, and her friend Sara. Well originally it sounded like a slow relaxing mill about town. Oh No. from the moment we got off the bus they had me dragged into shops of questionable ethics, Ann Summers for example. it was ok until they both went into the changing rooms and left me sat out with some pornographic board games, when a shopping attendant came out of no-where asking me what i was doing and if i needed help. of course, my instant reaction was to run, but then i realised that i was with company so i rather nervously, well actually i was more of a shout said that i was with my girlfriend. upon this she buggered off, judging me as some sort of pervert. Thankfully, once they were done in the changing room we left and i wasn't noticed by any one i knew, the taunting would have been endless, that someone had seen me walking out of a sex shop, and let's be frank it is, with two women. well the rest of the day was ok, except that on the bus back her ex sat in front of me and tried to size me up, this used all of my self control not to lean forward and twat the bastard for being such a dick to her in the past. well after that i went home to find that my computer had finally accepted itunes and allowed me to download some films onto my ipod, which was nice!!! Apart from that there was noting really that happened today. Right well that's about it for now bye!!!

NHS- What A Joke

JESUS CHRIST!!! just got a rather alarming msn, conversation/email type thing one of my friends has been offered a free chlamydia testing kit, and a, get this GLOW IN THE DARK CONDOM! The NHS want to make his nob, glow. Seriously there have got to be better things for the NHS to be doing than giving luminescent sheath to amuse himself with. Like maybe saving people's lives or whatever the fuck they are supposed to be doing. to put this into perspective, there was a soldier, who put his neck on the line by going out to Afghanistan, where he got his leg blown off by a mine. he then flew back home, to get properly treated, and all the NHS gave him was MRSA, i mean for Christ sake, hasn't he been through enough. National Health Service, Not Helpful Staff!! told them!, right rant over bye!

Ok, Right I know I said "no videos", well I lied

Can i just elaborate a little on this. Ok, i was set a video on this for my AS Physics class, and we needed to enlist the help of some trusty friends, who had, how can i say this delicately, "firearms", but don't worry if any of you are from the police, they are not real and are completely legal, and yes we had supervision....sort of. Ok here we go, oh and if you look carefully you will see, me i am the one, who first gets shot, watch the video, you'll see what I mean. ENJOY!!!!

First time for Everything

...Right first blog need to be funny, but factual, funny, but factual. Right well for the vast majority of people on the Internet, who don't know me my name is David. i live in the very boring and rather upper class parts of Gloucestershire. at the moment I am in year twelve at The Cotswold School, and have already decided what i want from life. to join the army as soon as i can. "No don't do it", "you'll die" i hear, or more likely "yeah, what was that David, have a nice time." so yeah completely loved there.
At the moment i am sat at the computer staring at, quite possibly the STUPIDEST fly i have ever seen trying to fly into my lamp and generally buggering it up. but hey, that is me being generally boring and rather easily amused.
played Hockey for the First time today. FUCK. there are some things that my body are not meant for, and hockey is quite possibly one of them!!! I mean I'm alright at it, but i really need to learn when to get out of the way of the fast moving solid object flying towards me at an alarming rate, all of this made slightly more pressurised, when it was pointed out to me that my girlfriend was stood at the side of the pitch watching with her friend.
oh yep and as if on que fall over straight on my arse, i wouldn't have minded, but it's an all weather pitch and now have MAJOR friction burns to my rear. ( any sympathy would be greatly appreciated) and just before you get excited no, i don't have one of these amazing video cameras that i only have to point in the general direction of east and the film will be on the internet, so sorry about that, but don't be alarmed by this i will still post things that i find funny here. ok well that's about it for now. Right now where do I click?